Lost without a soul

Lost without a soul where do I go.  I can’t turn left, I can’t turn right.  To die is a sin, but have I even begin?  So much life to live, but what if I can’t live my life.  So many roads left to discover, crossroads to choose from, and decisions to make.  Inside I feel lifeless, but have so much life left to give.  I give my life every day, and it is always taken, but never given.  I will soon, it feels like, have no more life to give, which means no more life to take.  Without life to take, what is left to be given.

Kitty, Kitty

While working at one particular site there are alot of stray cats running around and they have alot of kittens. There is one kitten in particular that caught my attention however, it is a really small, white kitten, with big blue eyes. I've been watching it for the last 2 weeks, a couple days ago I tried to catch it, but this little guy was faster that lightning. I saw him again later that day after he ran from me, but I didn't persue him again.

The next day I brought some of my own cat's food with me to feed this scrawny little kitten who didn't seem to have a mother cat to watch over it, it seemed like the kitten was abandoned, out there to fend for itself. The only disappointment I have is that I have not seen the kitten since that day. I don't know if the kitten became scared out of it's mind when I tried to catch it, or something happened to it. It's entirely possible that it just decided not to come back to this spot the last couple days and I will end up seeing it again at a later date. Maybe I was 1 day too late with the food and it starved to death.

I don't know why it's bugged me so much, but the kitten found a soft spot in me. It really makes me sad to see such a small kitten, that most likely someone abandoned, trying to fend for itself, when even nature did not intened for these small feline creatures to fend for themselves at such a young age. Someone setup this kitten for failure and it made me sad and angry to think about that.

It also makes me think about our society and the world that we live in. I looked at it from a couple different points of view. We live in a world full of hurt, pain, unforgiving conditions, and a lack of self control and morality. Also, watching that kitten reminded me of how most of us, as people, truly are.

The world is full of greed, hurt, immortality, and really just pure evil. It is becoming more and more rare to actually find really good, and kind hearted, people. It more common to find people that want to be hurtful and hateful towards others. We live in a society that wants to blame everybody else for their problems and take no responsiblity for their own actions. A people that would rather fight and kill their own country men. A people that would abandon children r kill, rape, molest, even kidnap children. A society that cares about no one else but themselves; somewhere along the line we lost our respect for each other and stopped caring for those around us, it can be seen all over. It's a sad day when we cannot count on being given respect or even courtesy.

I also think about how we are as individuals and how we are alot like the kitten. We often wonder through life, maybe wondering were we came from, or how we came to be in the position we are in life. Sometimes we take time to enojoy the simple pleasures like chasing a butterfly, or rolling around in the grass. We are all so fragile, yet it scares most of us to think about it. Everything around us can be gone in a blink of an eye, and we have no control over it, it's sad to say, but we are all just pawns in the game of fate, much like the small kitten. These are a couple thoughts that ran through my head as I watch this kitten while working.

Oh Well...

Well, I'm broke and don't have any money. I don't have enough money for the upcoming months, and then I have the holidays coming up as well. I work, work, and work, and have worked my ass off in alot of shit jobs. I have so much stress that I literally make myself sick at times. I have gone to the doctor and more than once he has told me that I need to try and relax and not stress out so much; easier said than done.

I also get alot of tension headaches and I'm not sure what exactly they are from. I'm not sure if they are from stress, or what. If only I knew, I just wish that for one day I didn't have to worry about anything and I could just know things were going to be ok.

Another Day

Another day at work... Today in particular I had to get up at before butt-crack of dawn, just so I could be to work at the butt-crack of dawn. It 25 miles one way to the landfill so it takes about an hour to get there.

However today, when I arrived at work, 2 hours later, I received a call to transfer stations and go to the transfer station, which is right next to my home. If only I had know that earlier I would have been able to get some extra sleep, and save my oh so precious gas. I will be claiming milage reimbursement, but what is .30 on the mile when gas is $3.00 a gallon??

Oh well, my work day will soon be over, and tommorow is my friday, I'll be looking foward to a couple days off to relax, or relax as much as I can anyways, but that's a whole other story, maybe even a whole other blog :-)

The motorcycle

Well, I finally did it. I bought motorcycle, not a big one, since I've never driven one before, but it is big enough. In light of "Hurrican Katrina", the price of gas, and my lack of finacial stability, a motorcycle makes sense; at least to me.

It gets about 60 miles to the gallon, and hold 3 1/2 gallons, so I can get about 200 miles out of about 10 bucks. Better than filling my v6 ford with 15 gallons and getting approx. the same gas milage.... I shudder just thinking about it.

Other than that things seem to be just going along. Nothing to spectaclar this week, nothing to bad. Sitting here at work waiting for customers, slow so far. It seems like it will be a long day.

The Museum Of Bad Art

This is a pretty cool site..... Depends on how you look at it. I like art, one of my favorite artists is Thomas Kinkade. To me these can't even compare to his, but I think some have potential. Finished my first class today, and I have along semster!! :-)

Museum of Bad Art